If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
