just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
