why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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