My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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