when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
