Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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