BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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