Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
