How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
