My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
