Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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