I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
