what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
