um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
