then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
