he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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