You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
