11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
