What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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