I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
