and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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