She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
