Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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