The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
