so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My penis needs a shock collar
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
