weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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