It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
