Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Pooping to opera.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
