that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
