every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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