So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
