dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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