I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
