just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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