Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
