All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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