no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
