You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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