Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
