the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
