I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
