Got a toothbrush?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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