in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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