singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
