So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
