I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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