Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
