I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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