I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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