I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Green mimosas i think yes
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
