Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
