I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
time to smoke my breakfast
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
