He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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