i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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