you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
