I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
