We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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